It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
