Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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