whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
