how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
