let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
