i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
