fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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