I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
