idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize