Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
