i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize