his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize