Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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