Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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