I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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