I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
