So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
