I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
