Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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