I wish I could punch you in the face.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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