Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
