I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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