we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My bed smells like the plague
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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