saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
