I wish i was in the wii world.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
