I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
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