You just made me feel so damn special
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
