You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize