dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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