I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
