I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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