My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize