You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
