she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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