I wannas sexs uuuuu
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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