hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
