I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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