He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize