Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize