My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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