She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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