I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
