Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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