i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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