I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
