i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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