Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
