So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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