found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
