also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
