Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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