I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
