i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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