playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
