My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my shit smells like andre
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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