So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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