my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
