I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
