checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
