Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
