Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
