We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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