new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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