I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize