I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize