i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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